Burnt out and discontented with life, I chose to leave behind my family, a career and life as I knew it to embark on a 'soul searching' trip. A trip which eventually extended to a permanent relocation. A move which changed my life completely. What had I hoped to find by leaving everything behind? Did I find the grass greener or life better than what I left behind?
Not sure if it was fortunate or otherwise, that I did not start with any real purpose. I did not have a course of action or any plan, other than I needed a break from everything I had known. I just drifted blissfully along. I am very grateful that I was able to do so with the support of a very dear friend. A dear friend who became a part of my life in the early years. He gave me a home and courage whenever I was in doubt about my decision. I cannot imagine, what I would have done, if I had been truly alone and aimless.
In my early days and years, life in a foreign country felt like a long, leisurely holiday. Every day was a new experience. New places to see. New people to meet. I was as interesting a specimen to the locals as they were interesting to me. I had no real responsibilities or commitments of any sort. I could write home and as shallow as it may seem, earned bragging rights about the novelty of my new life. At times, I did feel a prick of guilty conscience but lets just say, it didn't give me sleepless nights.
As I decided to make my residence status more permanent, I was fortunate to find employment and began to find my own feet, found and made some really good friends. In the process, I found I had to unlearn many things. More importantly, I found I needed to change the way I think, my approach to life in general and the way I relate to people. I had to stop making comparisons to what I know and what I was used to but truly respect, accept and acknowledge new experiences as they really are. I didn't just wake up one day and this realisation dawned upon me, it was through various personal and professional set-backs that I learnt I had to change. Change for someone who has lived 30 plus years did not come easy! At times, I even post rationalised and self-justified that there is nothing wrong with the way I do or say things or my expectations! So far, no one has yet to drag me by my hair to lead me anywhere I did not wish to venture but my pride and ego has been a little battered and bruised.
So it would not be truthful of me to say that I have found life to be easier, after having relocated to half way around the world. Life did get easier as I become more accustomed to the way people and things are. In a similar way, life got easier as others begin to understand me better. However, in reality, there will always be cultural differences and barriers that neither one of us could truly cross and understand. The question is how much compromises, respect and compassion we have for each other to accept these well ingrained differences?
Is life then better than what I had left behind? To say that life is better, would be unjust and disrespectful of the life I had before. This would mean, I am implying that my life before was of less value. In doing so I discredit where I come from, I discredit experiences and people who were part my life then. Then would I not be discrediting my history and would this not seem that I am ashamed of who I was? Would this imply then I was just running away from my past and hoping it will just go away?
Though there is a morsel of truth that I did runaway and escaped everything that binds me, I do feel privileged to have had eventful and memorable experiences that contributed to who I am today. Hence, I would be use the word 'better' only in the context that I have found a more balanced life as an outcome of my decision. It is 'better' because my life now allows me the opportunity to review my priorities in life and discover what actually matters to me. It is 'better' because my decision has humbled me.
The grass is not greener, just a different type of pasture and a different type of view to look at, to appreciate and to make it home.
