Life is not a race or a competition, or is it?

If I were to say, I am not competitive, I would be telling a lie. I am competitive because I like the recognition of my abilities. I like the acknowledgement that I have done well and that I am better than some. Success and achievement are great to bolster our sense of well being and confidence and such positive influences help us progress and remove personal barriers in our lives. Simply put, helps us be our best.

However, when does the need to be better, bigger, smarter, richer and the list goes on, become not a desirable or attractive quality? When does the drive, the motivation and the will to be our best becomes a burden? Do people sometimes, feel a need to be competitive as a way to dampen their deep sense personal insecurities?

As far as I can remember, I have never even give a thought to what it means to be competitive or if I am or not. I did not have reasons to question my motivations about why I do certain things or why I cultivate certain behaviours, habits and more so, why I nurtured some relationships and indirectly shied away from others. All that changed, in the last few months. It all changed when I realised what personal best, really means. Personal Best or PB, as it's affectionally called is just what it is. A measurement of one's achievement and that is why it's 'personal' just for that reason.

With this realisation, I struggle as I grapple with situations where I have been drawn to account for, to justify and more often than not to acknowledge that someone else is better than I am without question, even though sometimes the facts do not make sense or do not seem logical at all. I struggle not because I cannot accept that others are better than I am but I struggle with the deep seated need for one up-manship where there's no neccessity. In my struggle, I questioned myself as to whether perhaps, I may have indirectly caused others to behave such a way? Do I perhaps, come across as know-it-all and therefore caused others to want to prove me wrong? Or am I too arrogant and opinionated that others just want to show that I am a fool?

As I plod along, none the wiser, I am privileged to know some people who showed me humilty. People who come from very diverse background, age and gender and yet share a common ground of understanding what it means to achieve a personal best. They are competitive, yet in a positive, nurturing and inspiring way. So why are these people so different? What makes them grounded and yet have not lost their spirit to challenge themselves?

Maybe, it is to accept that despite our personal limitations - physical, mental or ignorance, we should not be ashamed, or be embarrassed or to feel inadequate. It takes more grace to recognise that we are flawed but the flawed bits can be improved or addressed at our own personal pace. We should perhaps take inspiration from those who are less able than us who have achieved much more and ask ourselves, why have we not push ourselves that bit more when others have?

Life is only a race and a competition in our personal journey to our own PB. Any other way, we run ourselves ragged, trying to achieve the impossible. There will be no end. There will never be any satisfaction.