Isn't life a bit like an optical illusion image? What lies in front of us may not be what we can truly perceive. We see only what our minds allow us to see. We seemed momentarily blinded until something clicks in our minds or something or someone shows us a fresh viewpoint. Then everything slowly unravels and we land with a thud, grounded in truth. At least this is what seems me to, is how I discovered personal truths about my life. It is as if all the little unconnected, trivial and forgotten conversations, angst and experiences came together to form a picture of what had really been going on. Why had I not realised this before? What caused me to float through it all in oblivious ignorance? Would I have made different choices if I had been more aware? Questions I suppose I will never have answers to and in all honesty, probably is of no relevance now.
This realisation of some harsh truths about my life and specifically my experiences and relationships in recent years was not a welcome intrusion. In some way, that ignorance was bliss but a bliss which was destructive to me in the end. I would never have the satisfaction of confronting the perpetrators of these deceits and unmasking them for who they are. On balance, best to let these beasts lie where they are. Some unfinished business is best left unfinished even if on occasions, there are moments when certain memories and mental picture, troubles me. These intrusive thoughts do pass and I am certain eventually they will cease to be of any significance.
As much as I still feel the deep sense of anger and betrayal, I welcome these feelings now. These are feelings which give me the motivation to change. These are the feelings that remind me that I had the strength to walk away and disassociate myself from all that was destructive. As shallow as it may seem, the sweetest revenge is one of personal progress inspite of it all. It feels quite good, as it seems, I am running free now, literally and metaphorically.
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