Having spent the last few days, limping up and down the stairs and trying to not scrunge up my face whenever I bend my knee, some people may wonder why do I get so obessessed with the one activity that gives me pain. I too used to labelled those who punish their bodies, running through rain, shine and all sorts of muscle misallignment or misfortune as utterly mad. Now I sort of get it and have to humbly eat my own words. Now I have perhaps, joined the growing number of people who lace up and actually enjoy the liberation of running. I concede defeat for I have succumbed to what I call 'running for my life' syndrome
Running for me is not just about putting on a pair of running shoes and getting out there to achieve calories burnt, distance covered, PB time achieved or preparing for the race we have decided to sign to support a charity. For me, there is a certain wisdom and philopsophy to running that has helped me change the way I think of my body, my ability and how I frame my peformances and achievements. It has helped me understand what personal best truly means. It has taught me to accept that I am a work-in-progress and will continue to be a work-in-progress.
About a year ago, my life was at a low ebb. I had reached a point where the challenges and injustices I experienced over the years in my professional and personal life began to take its toll. I was perhaps bordering on mild depression. I was mentally, emotional and physically fatigued. On top of all that, financially I was living from hand to mouth. It is during this period of illness and rest that everything began to come to light. Everything that I could not see and did not want to see about myself and about my life came down upon me like a tonne of bricks. During these moments of revelation, I hated what I discovered. I was angry and hurt. Now, I realised that despite the fact that I am still angry, it truly was a blessing that I reached that low point. It was a blessing because it saved me from further personal disasters which would have been more difficult for me to recover from.
It is in looking back that I realised I have progressed and continue to progress as I am in my running. I understand now that the like physical discomfort in running, the pain and angst I had endured for a long time was a necessary evil to mark my progress in life. I have not quite come to embrace pain - be in mental, physical or in whatever form. However, to be able to look back in anger, let it go and move forward is an achievement enough for me to feel proud of.
Perhaps, the strong ones among us are those who can graciously accept and embrace the imperfections, angst and limitations of being human. No different I suppose from how top athletes and sports people look beyond the physical pain to achieve their personal best. It takes a lot of mental strength to overcome our innate sense to run away and to avoid any form of displeasure.
So the next time I lace up and try to beat my personal clock, I will be less frustrated with myself if my body and self-talk convinces me I can run no faster or go no further. I will go 'Oh Hello...I recognise you Mr Pain' and just have to try a little harder, next time.
As a quote aptly puts it ' Pain is weakness leaving the body'
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