Yes, tell me i am beautiful. These would be words I believe we all like to hear. I know I would especially if these words are uttered by someone whom I am attracted to, or from someone who I hope would be attracted to me. But for required strong affect, these words would have to be said with such honesty and free from expectations. Now, there lies the problem - believeability, perception, persuasion or self-delusion? Which of these plethora of complex sensory, emotional and human flaw colours my perception of 'am I beautiful' to 'what does he/she mean when he/she says I am beautiful?' or 'should I believe him/her?'
I have never been a 'girlie' sort of girl. Not a slave to fashion or a trend watcher. Quite happy in my favourite pair of jeans and t-shirt or top when I dress down. Quite happy with plain trousers and simple tops or dresses when I dress for work. I don't have a closet full of shoes and all the necessary girlie accessories and I don't spend a fortune or spend hours getting ready to go out. It has never quite bothered me and I have never told I was ugly, so that was ok.
I have been complimented when I made more of an effort to dress up which isn't too often. In such rare occasions, I accept compliments graciously and don't really make much of a fuss about it all. I always thought people were just being polite because I made an effort. I have no real reason why I don't make more of an effort more often - perhaps, it is just me being pragmatic. My lifestyle is such, there is no real need for me to get all dressed up and who wouldn't like to look glamorous or all together all the time..it's quite a financial investment and don't we all wish we could!
So for a long time, it never did quite bothered me, if people didn't tell me i am beautiful. It wasn't something I thought about or courted. In fact, I would be quite uncomfortable to draw attention to how I look. It wasn't because I did not want to be beautiful and attractive. I just wasn't comfortable being physically appraised. So it seems strange that I become quite affected by circumstances and situations in my life that made me question my physical attractiveness. I feel absolutely ridiculous when I have a nagging thought in my mind 'What is wrong with me - am I not attractive enough or glamorous enough in comparison to so and so?' or 'Maybe I should have more of an effort'.
Then, I realised that no matter how attractive a person is or can be, there will always be someone prettier, better looking and younger. So is it perhaps an unrealistic expectation or a silly romantic notion to want to have somepne really special to us (besides our parents and siblings who will never think we are ugly anyway!!) to really believe we are the most beautiful creature in his or her life? Even then, once the novelty of that special relationship starts to wane....our 'beauty or attractiveness' gets redefined...we may no longer be as physically attractive or exciting as we were...So what does one do - besides botox, cosmetic surgery, diet, exercise and constantly updating the wardrobe to stay beautiful?
Will we never stop wanting or even at times need to say 'Tell me i am beautiful'? Shallow as it may seems, we surely do not want to be unattractive.
