Christmas is soon upon us and not long before we say adieu to 2012 and I love it. It is the time of year when I look back and appreciate what I have done, what I have achieved and remember fondly new experiences that I can now file away and catalogue as part of my life. This is also a time, for me to reflect upon personal challenges and the not so nice bits and to be glad that these unproductive and unhelpful bits are over and that I have come through them knowing myself a bit better. Another new year just waiting for me to make amends in the aspects of my life that had fallen short and a new year to start over. For me it is a time of reflection and to be grateful for all that my life had been and all that my life that is still waiting to be discovered.
However, I was not often gracious and grateful for what I have. For as long as I can remember, there was always something, someone or some situation that I would have grievance with. These grievances easily became worries, anguish and all sorts of unproductive emotions and thoughts. After a while, it became almost a personality default - life and everything else was viewed from the perspective of the ‘cannot’, ‘should not’ and ‘is not’. It was about perceived injustices and how I deserved better. It was about all the things that were wrong. My thoughts, attitudes and obsession was all about the angst I encountered in my life and I gravitated towards relationships that reinforced and fueled that need to speak of, to discuss all the miseries in life and gravitated to people who encouraged me to focus on negatives in my life and also that of others, regardless if these strives were real or otherwise. Such dalliances never solved any problems.
Such dalliances did not make me feel any better. Such dalliances were shackles I didn’t even realised were holding me back from experiencing the simple joys being alive. I dallied so much in what life should be and forgot about what I could have made it to be. It had taken me quite a number of years and some changes in life to slowly realise that life need not be fraught with struggles, complications and strife. It is simply a conscious personal choice to avoid, minimise, let go or walk way from things that is and will not helpful, non conducive and do not contribute to my well-being in any way.
I have many things to be grateful for and many things to be positive about and I know I am not unique or alone in this. I truly believe, if we sat down and in our quiet moments, we can all think of some moments in our lives that makes us smile and that warms our hearts. Too often, we forget to look back with fondness as we become to engrossed in what lies ahead even when the future can never be certain as many things in life don’t follow a linear progression or go according plan.
In the last year, my sister and I lost mum. It happened unexpectedly and it did make me think about what is truly important to me. Mum’s passing brought back many unwelcome memories but it also brought Sis and I closer together as we are the only two left of our small family and that to me is very precious. This sisterly that bond I had taken for granted for a long time, has become in the last 2 years something that I feel privilege to share. I feel a little sad that I never got a chance to say ‘thank you’ to my parents when they were around, to thank them for having given me a life in the way they best the knew how and the best they could afford. They brought me up to be independent and to have the courage to do what I need to do - not to fear, not to feel daunted by life. A lesson I never quite appreciated until my resolve and strength had been tested from time to time and I am still here, better for it.
I too, have been very privileged to have had a very interesting and colourful career . The first half of my career after leaving college were quite exciting times. I had the privilege of working with some of the best people in the industry. Some of whom were pioneers in what they do - from training/consultancy, venue and event management, public relations and experiential marketing fields. I was encouraged to explore and develop new ideas and to see to fruition these creative ideas and feel a sense of personal pride and pride in the teams that I have lead and managed. To this day, some of the experiences that I have shared with various work colleagues, clients and business associates are unique and will always be fondly remembered. There were exciting times and I am glad to have had the opportunity to be part of all that. In many ways, those days have made me who I am today - my work ethos and attitudes were formed and nurtured by people I worked for, people I worked with and achievements I am proud to have been part of.
When I embarked on a life away abroad and decided to remain in UK, it was a life changing decision which I could not quite comprehend or understand how much that would have changed my life from there on. The consequences were wide ranging and not often smooth sailing and there were times, I thought I had made a huge mistake. There were times I felt almost lost and adrift but I am thankful that I made that decision and thankful for the life that I have now. I often say, my life here and now is so different from life that I had known and left behind and so it should be.
I am also grateful for the last 10 years where many people have touched my life and helped me learn important lessons about who I am and what I need to be. Some of these lessons were very painful indeed and they taught me what real respect means but most importantly they taught me when to stop fretting over things I cannot change but to focus on things I can change and do something about. The ability to step away and acknowledge that not everything is about ‘me’ and that there just things I cannot control, is quite liberating. And in recent years, I have met some really positive people who reminded me what it is like to laugh and to take life less seriously.
As imperfect as life was, is and will always be, I am grateful to be alive and to be surrounded by good friends and close family who share my joys, celebrate my achievements and who helped me be the best I can be. So, yes it is definitely a time to celebrate and to toast to the closing of another chapter of life and the beginning of another.
