Perspective

Dates. Timeline. Schedules. Numbers. Formulas. Checklists. Lists. I love them all and there are not many moments in my life when I don’t have a schedule or a list of some sort. There is something comforting in dates, schedules and numbers because they are real, tangible and provide sense of purpose and orderliness in life. Through them, my life could be organised into neat little compartments. With plans and lists, life is simplified or at least I feel I am somewhat in control. Even better, achievements and success could be compartmentalised, categorised, filed away and quantified or at least that was the idea. However, life doesn’t often work out like that. Plans changed or ditched or worse, in trying to be in control, all that you try to control and master, becomes an all consuming obsession or a burden. Then the question becomes ‘Who or what is controlling whom?’


I spent a good part of my early adult life - work and personal wise, organising people and things. There was always a schedule and/or a deadline. So my life then was about how much could I do and accomplish, how fast could I do something and how many deadlines could I meet. Deadlines were the be all and end all. It was exciting. It was pure adrenaline most of the time. Personal and home life did suffer eventually because something had to give. Ultimately, mentally and physically, it was not possible for me to sustain that level of intensity. Things had to change. Even then I had not realised that it have become less of me having mastery over time and things but instead, I became a slave of time, plans and schedules.

I did not and could not see that there were more important things than maintaining orderliness and control. More important things than being effective, efficient and driven. That the more important and most crucial thing is to live and embrace all the quirks, imperfections and flaws. To accept that, there are things I cannot change or control - one of life’s truths that took many hard lessons before I came to realise that to actually ‘let go’ is to unshackle myself from unnecessary angst and stress.
So now I learn to ask ‘What and why am I doing what I am doing?’ ‘Will my world come crashing down if I cannot do it all?’ ‘Is something a matter of life or death that it had to be done?’ ‘What is the worse thing that could possible happened?’ Ultimately, ‘will I be able to live with the consequences or if I had limited time to live, would I still be as concern?’

These questions did not and still do not come easy for me but sometimes when I really try, I catch myself reverting to old habits and learn to stop and let a moment of clarity sink in. In that momentary pause, I realised that it is not a matter of life and death and that it is perfectly permissible to take a break, to rest, to seek refuge from responsibilities, demands that life asks of us or demands that we ask of ourselves. Life can be a numbers game - how much, how far, how fast, how good, how successful and the lists goes on, but only if we let it become so.
Stop, once in awhile and take stock. You may be surprised at how that can really change your perspective on things and you might just have a ‘eureka moment’ and think, why didn’t I think of it like this before?