Pain - A Necessary Evil

Having spent the last few days, limping up and down the stairs and trying to not scrunge up my face whenever I bend my knee, some people may wonder why do I get so obessessed with the one activity that gives me pain. I too used to labelled those who punish their bodies, running through rain, shine and all sorts of muscle misallignment or misfortune as utterly mad. Now I sort of get it and have to humbly eat my own words. Now I have perhaps, joined the growing number of people who lace up and actually enjoy the liberation of running. I concede defeat for I have succumbed to what I call 'running for my life' syndrome

Running for me is not just about putting on a pair of running shoes and getting out there to achieve calories burnt, distance covered, PB time achieved or preparing for the race we have decided to sign to support a charity. For me, there is a certain wisdom and philopsophy to running that has helped me change the way I think of my body, my ability and how I frame my peformances and achievements. It has helped me understand what personal best truly means. It has taught me to accept that I am a work-in-progress and will continue to be a work-in-progress.

About a year ago, my life was at a low ebb. I had reached a point where the challenges and injustices I experienced over the years in my professional and personal life began to take its toll. I was perhaps bordering on mild depression. I was mentally, emotional and physically fatigued. On top of all that, financially I was living from hand to mouth. It is during this period of illness and rest that everything began to come to light. Everything that I could not see and did not want to see about myself and about my life came down upon me like a tonne of bricks. During these moments of revelation, I hated what I discovered. I was angry and hurt. Now, I realised that despite the fact that I am still angry, it truly was a blessing that I reached that low point. It was a blessing because it saved me from further personal disasters which would have been more difficult for me to recover from.

It is in looking back that I realised I have progressed and continue to progress as I am in my running. I understand now that the like physical discomfort in running, the pain and angst I had endured for a long time was a necessary evil to mark my progress in life. I have not quite come to embrace pain - be in mental, physical or in whatever form. However, to be able to look back in anger, let it go and move forward is an achievement enough for me to feel proud of.

Perhaps, the strong ones among us are those who can graciously accept and embrace the imperfections, angst and limitations of being human. No different I suppose from how top athletes and sports people look beyond the physical pain to achieve their personal best. It takes a lot of mental strength to overcome our innate sense to run away and to avoid any form of displeasure.

So the next time I lace up and try to beat my personal clock, I will be less frustrated with myself if my body and self-talk convinces me I can run no faster or go no further. I will go 'Oh Hello...I recognise you Mr Pain' and just have to try a little harder, next time.

As a quote aptly puts it ' Pain is weakness leaving the body'

Compassion Where Art Thou?

Often times, after getting over my angst, frustrations and annoyances with people in general, I feel dreadful. I feel dreadful for getting angry. I feel dreadful for being frustrated and annoyed with people, just because I find their views, opinions, motivations and actions unacceptable to me. These may be unacceptable for various reasons. Unacceptable because I find what people say or do, hypocritical. Unacceptable because what was said or done was disrespectful, naive or was based on nothing more than assumptions. And lately, I have no patience for people who expects respect, compromises and to be treated as if they deserve more. As much as I get annoyed, I do try my best to shake it off or risk sounding patronising. Whichever way, I still feel that I really shouldn't be so harsh and judgmental as I am aware I too am imperfect. That I too,annoy, frustrate and perhaps seem like a right plonker to others. I should be more forgiving and extend a sense of compassion in my relationships with people. Why then do I struggle with compassion, if this is the answer to all my woes?

In our daily lives, we symphatise and we emphatise with others. We have a simple understanding of how it feels like when someone is wronged, or when there is an injustice or when there is a loss. This is because, we probably have some similar experiences to draw from. Also, society expects us to behave in an appropriate manner when situations arise where we should be symphatetic or emphatetic. Whether we do this sincerely because we really do share or value the same things, is altogether another matter. Or alternative, we may decide that we are somehow truer to ourselves by being a rebel against society norm and prefer to be cynical, critical and objective as symphaties and emphaties are just frivolous and baseless. Whichever we lean - we have a certain mode of conduct. Whichever way we may lean, this does not mean we are compassionate or discompassionate.

Compassion goes much deeper that expressing a sense of 'putting ourselves' in someone else's shoes and imagine what it feels like to be in a certain situation. Compassion means stripping away all our pre-conceived expectations, putting aside our own values to acknowledge, respect and accept another as another flawed human being like us. It means disassociating our sense of self from others. It is not no longer about who and what another as defined by us and their relationship to us. It is about another, as they are. Being compassionate, means we need to reframe the way we look at ourselves, the world beyond ourselves and a much bigger scheme of life.

Perhaps, the main struggle is in how we see ourselves. Perhaps, we place too much significance to who we are, our values and our sense of self compared to everyone else and everything else. It is difficult to accept and acknowledge our own insignificance and still find the compassion towards ourselves to have a positive and productive life. For anyone who has ever loved and have a loved one leave us, will know it is easier to be angry and find reasons for the breakdown than to accept that we are no longer loved or significant to another. Similarly, we have an in-built mechanism that takes over - where we cling at all cost to our false sense of significance. If we can find the true compassion to acknowledge, accept and respect that in the bigger scheme of life, we are all the same. No better. No worse. Just different.

Perhaps, the next time I do get annoyed, I will remind myself humbly - who am I to judge? who am I to say what is right or wrong? who am I but just like you imperfect.